My Last Poem

No more words. Nothing, never.
There've been too many already.
Just a silence-long, deep, eternal
A decay-painful, slow, but steady.

The only window to my mind still open
Is contaminating the machine; I'm getting rusty
This window needs to be shut down now
The storms are too strong and too dusty.

We've seen together moments good and bad
Some special, some anguished, of praises and fights
For all the love, the friendship, the admiration
And equally the pain-I'm as grateful as one might

Maybe you'd complain there's too much unsaid
And unheard, still, the decision won't bend
I beg you not to protest or plead, just remember
All things, good and bad, come to an end.


Incarnations cease to exist, but existence cannot.
Though I'd hate to, but I'll still be-invisible, but around.
I've lived for long, undeservedly, in your hearts
& As I empty this crazy home, it's only grief, and gratitude, profound.

Do me a last favour, fulfill the last wish
Do not wipe my tears, and do not question why
and I promise to stay as near to your heart
As u want; Just call my name out, for once,try

I'll live in the words I'm robbed off today
In coincidences from past, in every empty look
Tomorrow may not exist, today may be oblivious
So I'll be yesterday-until you chose to shut the History book

I beg you not mercy for selfishness unabated
I beg you not pity to this selfish piece of matter
Ibeg you not a chance to explain or justify
I just beg you to move on, and forget Envisager

Hi everyone,
I know it may come as unexpected to most of you, but the words above say it all I guess, and whatever they don't, would never be said. Those who can, would have already heard them.
I wanna thank everyone who ever came to this blog, who ever read anything i wrote, and to all those who cared to comment, criticise and appreciate. A 3300+ hit count in 30 days and perpertual comments prove that.
THANX A LOT.
I'm not gonna delete this page...I can't for I have loved it too much.
But I won't post again.
Or appear on blogging circles.
Still, I'll be around, for I don't have a choice.
Incarnations cease to exist, but existence cannot
If u ever liked or loathed anything on this page, or the person behind it, do me a favour. Do not ask me to change my decision, for i won't.
I beg you not to protest or plead- the decision will not bend
Anyway, if u ever regarded me as a friend, dont be afraid..u r not gonna LOSE me. I'll be there, always, as long as I am.
I guess have said enough, more than I needed to.
No more words. Nothing, never.
There've been too many already.

GoodBye
Lots of love and luck
Envisager

BLACK BEAUTY

Just struck my mind
What if I were blind?
What if I did lack
A colour in life, except black?
What if I could have cried
But couldn't, even if I'd tried
See my own tear
A drop of water, crystal clear?
What if I never knew
How a tiny drop of dew
On a shimmery leaf appeared
And shone through when sunlight steered?
What if I could have felt
Touched and also smelt
The wet sand and the grasses tall
But never saw the raindrops fall?
What if I couldn't take a step
Without help, or without falling ahead
Me, goggles and a stick
Tightly and helplessly, trying to grip?
What if I didn't know
Dark and light, high and low
Just lived an entire life-dragged & slow
And never ever saw a rainbow!
What if I never "saw" a smile?
If the word "mirror" meant "futile"?
If I never saw little kids play?
All this(pause)would've been GOOD, I'd say!!
For then, all the filth, all the malice
The pain, the evil, the avarice
Would have been lost in the darkness of sight
For evil is evil only when something's bright
Then from my "eyes"
"Bad" would be as good as "nice"
Atleast I'd have a reason to believe
The world is a wonderful place to live!!

Equal Love

I love equally

Both my hands.
The waters and the sands.
Seasons one and all.
People big and small.
The left and the right.
The dark and the bright.
Colours in the rainbow.
A friend and a foe.
Smiles and tears.
All my fears.
Failure and success.
Leisure and stress.
Every musical note.
Every step I strode.
All the fingers of my hand.
The spicy and the bland.
Every single emotion.
Placidity and tension.
The journey and the destination.
My home and my nation.
Every single breath.
Life and death.
MAYBE I DONT, BUT I WANT TO.

MY STORY...

This is not an ordinary story. Simply because it's not about ordinary people. And it's not an ordinary tale of love and hurt, faith and deceit. It is my story, and it's a story about me. As a rule, everything besides me in this story is irrelevant, unimportant and trivial. And I'm taking this liberty to declare such because this place is "exclusively" my domain- perhaps the only place in this Universe where I own some kind of importance. Which further tempts me now to take "all" the importance there is, and to do unto the world what it has done to me all the time elsewhere. I, therefore, propose to reduce the sigificance of everything besides myself to zilch, the same way as everything and everyone reduced mine to a farce outside the realm of this story.
Ha! As u reap so u sow!!
This is what I call the "Law of Balance". Somehow, someday, everything evens out.

I was born once upon a time-someday at some place- but the details are not important. I had a family and a home, and I consider myself lucky for that. But me and my family always let each other down, and I never got a separate room for myself in that home-not until I got maried, but by that time I had moved to a rented flat, and even then I was forced to share it with an intruder. As a little kid, life was very unfair to me. Not that it remedied its behaviour in the subseqent years, but perhaps it hurt more as an infant.

As if born in a lower middle class family of seven or eight members was not enough, I had to contend with being caught between two brilliant elder brothers, and two talented younger sisters. We grew up together, but perhaps they grew up better, and faster. Fate was once again cruel to me- for I was but a very very ordinary child. My siblings though, were blessed with better brains and more talents than me. And I was nothing but the black horse of the family. I suspect that is the reason my parents loved them a lot, and hated me equally, for I was but a useless student, who barely struggled though his high school despite all the tuitions.

My eldest brother was an ace cricketer, and played for a long time for some high-level team. Once upon a time I had wanted to be like him. But soon everyone realised I was pathetic at the game, and then- then they laughed at me. I remember clearly the tears in the eyes of a nine-(or ten)year old surrounded by a crowd of mocking eyes and scolding tongues for a distasteful display. Later that night my brother had come to me and tried to console me. He asked me to practise with him the next morning; I threw a vase kept next to me at his face. He still retains a two-inch scar on his face.

I had my reasons for doing that, but at that time, nobody understood- my parents beat me black and blue and locked me in the store for two days without food- and now, I don't care to explain. This is my story and nothing else is important, not even those reasons.

At the age of 16, tired by my own failures and the successes of those around me, one day I stole some money from the home and ran away. Some fifteen-twenty days later the police caught me stealing food from a restaurant and handed me over to my family. My Dad beat me up like hell and my mom never spoke to me after that day-not till her death. My crime was too big; she was too upset that I had stolen and sold her favourite gold earings.

By then, I had already failed once at the matriculation examination and after this incident, I dropped school and foud work in a garage.

By nature, I was basically a loner. I never had any real friends to speak of, and I preferred being within myself most of the time. The three years at the garage were the happiest time of my life. But life can't tolerate being good with me for long. My Dad died of some disease, and mother had a paralytic attack. Not that I cared, but there was suddenly more responsibility on me ,which I hated, for my brothers were in another town pursuing their careers. They came one day, and forced me to learn up accounting work, and got me a petty job. I had no option but to do that, for I had no strength to oppose them. I hated myself then, and them.

Then, I don't know when I changed into an angry, irritable, discontented man. Some years later, when they saw me happier with my liquor and gambling, I was forcefully maried off to someone. I tried to be happy and nice after that, but couldn't. I tried to love her, but couldn't. Some years later, she ran off with my neighbour and left me a rowdy son. Why, I don't know and I don't care.

Even then, nobody sympathised with me. People at work laughed at my back, and since family did't exist for me, I was left alone. One day, drunken and inebriated, I broke my son's skull. The neighbours took him to the hospital, and me to the police station. When I returned after a month, I learnt he had been sent to an orphanage. Good riddance, I said.

I never heard of him after that, until some hours ago, when a young guy in his teens came to me and said that he was my son. I didn't reply, and he swiftly finished his job and left. And now, here I am, lying peacefully for the first time in my life in the middle of the road.
Dead or alive? That's not important.

Somehow, someday, everything evens out.

Jhilmil

Jhilmil si ek ladki
Hawa ke sang-sang lehrati si
Kuch-kuch naraz zindagi se
Aur kuch-kuch zindagi pe muskurati si

Kinare ki lehron si uth-ti bikharti
Nav ke jaise dagmagati si
Andhere mein pani ke kinare kahin
Jugno-on ke sang jagmagati si

Khayalon mein khokar laton ko apni
Kabhi suljhati kabhi uljhati si
Nazakat se zulfon ko jhatak fir apni
Dheeme se palkein jhukati si

Chanchal si nazrein has padein jab achanak
Us hasi ko haya se fir chhupati si
Jo naraz ho to aankhen failakar
gusse se moonh fulati si

Kabhi lafz ke sahare choo leti dil ko
Kabhi nazron se hi dastanein sunati si
Kabhi mushkilon se na darne wali
Andhere mein masomiyat se ghabrati si

Jhilmil si woh ek ladki
Parde ke peechhe sharmati si
Ek pal ko nazar milake mujhse
Nazar ke sath dil bhi churati thi.